I'll Help You
by madamwolf
Summary: Oneshot. Harry goes wandering through Number Twelve and finds his exprofessor in one of his weakest moments WARNING: CUTTING, ONE BAD WORD, think thats it...


**AN:** DARK! ANGST! DON'T READ IF YA CAN'T HANDLE IT PEOPLE! None of my usual humor will be here. Okay anyway, a fic that's been bouncin' around in my head for a while. None of my OC's, only characters are Harry and Remus anyway. Takes place after the sixth book somewhere random after Dumbles death, and Sirius is dead, not an AU like some of my other stuff. No slash by the way, you'll never see that from me.

**Warnings:** Angst, cutting, uhhhh... maybe other stuff. I dunno. OOC I guess... maybe.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing! If I owned it Remy would not be dead he would be alive and with me, same goes for Fred... hehe... dirty thoughts in my head now.

**Pairings: **None.

And guys I know it can be a sensitive issue so don't flame me about it, trust me it hits close to home for me too.

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Harry wandered through the halls of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place. He and Remus were the only ones there, the Weasley's were out in Diagon Alley with Hermione, Harry just wasn't in the mood to go today. None of the other Order members were there, either at their own homes or out on some sort of mission.

He was wandering up the stairs, after looking around for Remus real fast. He wanted to let him know that he wouldn't be going with the Weasley's. After giving a quick sweep of the house he figured he was probably up in his room, Remus was able to get his own due to the fact he almost lived their now. He took care of Buckbeak and kept the house in some for of order while the Order wasn't there.

He walked over to Remus's door and gave it a knock with his knuckles. He heard a muffled curse from inside the room and some moving around. "Remus?" He asked. "Remus are you okay?"

"Yeah... Yeah Harry I'm fine," came the strangled, hasty reply.

"Can I come in...?" Harry asked sensing something was very wrong.

"Um... Uh... yeah, yeah come in Harry." Remus said quickly.

Harry opened the door to find his ex-professor on his bed the covers messy around him and his sleeves pulled down so far he was holding them there with his hands. "What can I help you with, Harry?" He asked

"I was just going to tell you that I wasn't going to Diagon Alley with Ron what, what are you doing, Professor?"

Remus smiled but it was obviously forced. "Harry I'm not your professor anymore, it's Remus or Moony, pick one."

"Remus... what's going on?" Harry asked stepping forward.

He seemed to move over on the bed and put his one hand on a certain small lump in the covers. "Nothing, just... thinking, you know me." He grinned.

The younger boy bit his lip and nodded, he was still suspicious but he figured he wouldn't find anything out until later. He would ask then. He was about to turn away when he got a glimpse of the blue sheets Remus was sitting on. He was sitting with his legs pulled up on the bed and crossed and around his knees where his hands rested Harry caught the sight of something dark and wet on the sheets.

"Remus what's that?" Harry said looking down at it.

Remus shifted his knee over so it was covering the fresh stain and furrowed his brow. "What's what?"

Harry walked over and pushed his knee out of the way and touched the stain. When he lifted his hand back up it was red. He looked closely at the way Remus was gripping his sleeves so that they wouldn't drift back and show his hands or any part of his arm.

Harry sat down on the bed and took Remus's arm gently but firmly.

"No, Harry, it's nothing." Remus tried to protest but Harry managed to push back his sleeve to show angry red cuts up his arm and blood covering his arm and hand. Remus stopped trying to stop him and he stopped talking. Harry took his other hand and pulled up his sleeve to show more blood and cuts.

"Remus..." Harry sighed and his attention was brought to the lump under the sheets. With a swift motion Harry removed the sheets to expose a shinning knife with red blood covering the blade and cloth stained red, some stains old some new.

"Harry..." Remus started not meeting his eyes. "I'm sorry..."

Harry didn't know what to say, this was the man who he looked up to. The mad he admired and was the closest thing he had to a father since Sirius's death. He had never dealt with this sort of thing before, let alone in someone as optimistic a Remus. He opened his mouth and closed it a few times. "No, no, Remus, don't... don't be sorry... But... but why...?" Harry asked.

Remus shook his head and lowered his eyes to his arms, that was when Harry was brought back to his senses and he began casting healing spells on his arms. They, of course, were not very good and he wasn't able to close them up all the way but he managed to conjure up some bandages and wrap them up before his mentor lost too much blood. He didn't care if he was using magic out of Hogwarts, he had a reason.

He looked at the werewolf's face when he was finished and saw tears glistening in them. "I sorry." Remus whispered, like a child apologizing after he drew on the wall.

Harry shook his head. "Oh Merlin," he breathed. "Remus, why? Why would you do this to yourself?"

"Harry don't tell anyone." Remus pleaded. "I don't need anymore pity." He said as a tear escaped his eye.

"I can't promise that unless you tell me why and I can help. If you don't tell me then..." Harry trailed off letting Remus figure the rest out for himself. "Why did you start?"

Remus took a deep breath and then he smiled genuinely. "You know, Harry, you really do sound so much like your father." He said as he tried to control his breathing. "Our sixth year... James and Sirius... they caught me too... I guess I'm really not good at hiding things... but they walked in the dorm, they should have been at breakfast... the curtains around my bed were drawn but they opened it up anyway. They saw the blood... they saw the knife, this one in fact it was... they saw it all...

"Both of them were mortified... but... they didn't tell anyone. They didn't say anything to the teachers. They just talked, fixed me up... told me to talk to them and if I ever felt like doing it again to just talk to them..." Harry thought he had stopped and was about to say something but Remus opened his mouth again.

"I started when I was a kid... long time ago... I was seven... I know its young but... I just couldn't take the transformations, the looks, people shunning me, treating me like the monster I am; I just couldn't take it anymore. I stopped for a while when I went to Hogwarts but in fifth year I started when Severus starting figuring out where I went every month. They caught me. Got me to stop by seventh year." He let out a short humorless laughed. "Started again after your parents died and Sirius was imprisoned. That lasted some years until Dumbledore found out and got me to stop. And here I am... again... cutting because I can't deal with all the shit that's happening around me." Remus muttered. "Oh God, first James, Lily and Sirius, I get my best friend back then he's gone... then Dumbledore, the man who was so nice to me through it all..." Remus couldn't seem to speak anymore. Now tears were pouring freely out of his eyes.

Harry wasn't fazed by the unexpected language the older man used. He had every right to cuss every now and then with all the stuff he was going through. He didn't know what to say so he just leaning forward and pulled the werewolf in a hug.

Remus was started by this and his eyes went wide for a moment before he wrapped his arms around Harry as he continued to cry.

"It's gonna be okay." Harry mumbled as Remus cried in his shoulder.

"God Harry, I miss Sirius."

"I miss him too. I help you through this though."

Remus took a sharp breath and then let it out slowly. "Thank you, Harry," he breathed.

"And Remus?" Harry asked pulling back and looking him right in the eyes. "You're not a monster."

Remus nodded and Harry pulled him back in the hug.


End file.
